


so just take my hand and know that i will never leave your side

by weatheredlaw



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-06
Updated: 2012-05-06
Packaged: 2017-11-04 22:14:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/398775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weatheredlaw/pseuds/weatheredlaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pepper was -- no, Pepper <i>is</i> -- Pepper. She is someone who has seen him and told him what is wrong with him and why he is going to die young and bloody and in ruins. </p><p>Pepper is also the reason Tony <i>isn't</i> going to die young and bloody and in ruins. Pepper might be the reason Tony lives forever -- and the reason why he won't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	so just take my hand and know that i will never leave your side

**Author's Note:**

> holy shit this got out of control fast

Because everyone already knows Tony's a mess -- knotted wires and tangled chords, quite literally, actually -- someone might assume that Pepper can't be the same, the she never _was_ the same. That she was always so obvious and so simple and that's what made it so easy for him to gravitate to her -- from a mess to a high place, where Pepper could stand on the precipice of all that was good and honest and _decent_.

Tony never thought she was this way. He always knew she was a _good_ woman, a true and honest and beautiful woman -- these were things that were very obvious, very easy to see. And in a way, it was what drew him to her so long ago. That she was not afraid to tell him he was being venomous and _horrid_ and stupid. That she could hit him and shove him and fire away at him easier and truer than any missile could -- he picked Pepper out of them all because she told him his tie was crooked and wrong, but she was probably talking about _him_. 

But Tony never thought Pepper was uncomplicated. He never thought she was easy to understand, or could be laid out like a blue print, all her parts and inner workings visible under lamplight. Pepper was never a missile, even if she could single him out like one. Pepper was -- no, Pepper _is_ \-- Pepper. She is someone who has seen him and told him what is wrong with him and why he is going to die young and bloody and in ruins. 

Pepper is also the reason Tony _isn't_ going to die young and bloody and in ruins. Pepper might be the reason Tony lives forever -- and the reason why he won't. 

Because Pepper is just as knotted as he is, and not in some horrid, irreversible way. Pepper is just as damaged, but these days, who isn't. Pepper is just as lost and she is just as acrid and angry and bitter and she is ten times the human being Tony Stark has ever been -- or ever will be. Pepper Potts cannot be laid out and picked apart because Pepper is the one at the head of the table, lamplight in her hand, and Tony is spread out, arms and legs strapped down and someone is reminding him _this won't hurt a bit_ \-- 

\-- and the sick thing (the beautiful thing, the thing that fills his chest with warmth and makes him sing in the shower and do stupid things like cook an omelette for two people) -- is that if it's Pepper with the scalpel, Pepper with the screwdriver, Pepper with the hammer in her hand, then Tony doesn't even _mind_. He's happy about it, fucking _ecstatic_ about it because he wants her to pick him apart and he wants her to remind him that he is only blood and guts and organs. 

 

 _Are you working?_ she doesn't ask, and then comes in anyway. She instinctively toys with things -- loose parts and tools he's left scattered everywhere. She hands him something to sign, takes his empty coffee cup, and leaves and that is all. She doesn't ask for what she needs, or if it's okay if she takes it -- she just does. And that might his favorite thing about her (after her smile and the way her voice tilts and her hands and the color of her nails and her legs because holy mother of _god_ her legs) -- it might be the reason he hired her, right after all those other reasons, right before them.

Tony wonders if there has to _be_ a reason. If he is ever just allowed to love her because he does, if there are rules for men like him, men who dig and dig and dig for happiness, only to wind up empty handed and lost and still afraid they will be alone forever. Because if he's going to be afraid of anything (and he is, he is terrified of the entire world, when it comes down to it) he could be afraid of being alone the most. 

 

Pepper doesn't want to be in charge, but she does, too. She doesn't want to watch Tony sign over his company -- but it is oddly satisfying, in a way she doesn't understand. But Pepper loves Tony, and watching him do this doesn't make her feel like she's really gotten anything at all. It's a paperback from the airport, bought last minute and shoved into an LAX paper bag with a note scrawled on the back of it that just says _love, tony_. 

They are playing Scrabble at dawn, and Rhodey comes in, worried because someone butt dialed him eleven times, so they bring him into the game and order pizza and it is enough to pretend that there is nothing wrong. Like someone isn't lying.

Rhodey leaves and Tony tries to get Pepper to stay -- _another game, just real quick_ \-- but this is never the right way to play Pepper or the right thing to say because it's never just one more, never just real quick at all. Tony takes forever and a half to do things, and an extra eternity to do it right -- people, anyway.

Because he's already thought about this -- pieces of a missile spread out along the table, pieces that look like Pepper, screaming that _she can't do this_ \-- 

\-- and fuck you

\-- and fuck you, too --

 

Sometime, long ago, Obadiah tried to kill him.

Twice.

Tony tries not to remember it.

 

 _Let me help,_ is all she says, and the last piece of armor falls off and Butterfingers can't even see, but he knows what's going to happen next.

Tony lays her out on a table and they fuck until the sun comes up and Pepper asks him to never make her CEO ever again. _Or food,_ she adds.

 

Amazing. That Tony Stark can build technology that doesn't exist in a cave -- 

but he can't cook an omelette to save his life.

 

Because Pepper loves him, and that must make her as screwed up as he is. Pepper loves him, but she always has, even if it wasn't like this. Pepper loves him and Tony would be stupid to think that he hasn't loved her longer, maybe even before he knew her -- 

_Savage Garden_ , she says and he tells her something about good music is the kind where you can't hear the words.

Pepper loves him, and that doesn't make her a terrible person, he's trying to reason. He is trying to convince himself that Pepper loving him makes _him better_ \-- because being within a five mile radius of Pepper Potts makes him a little bit more of a decent person. Always trying to impress her by holding open doors for people, for donating to charity, for buying her a piece of art -- and if that isn't impressive (and it isn't, Jackson Pollack is over-fucking-rated and Pepper only likes him because of a story she'll never tell Tony) then maybe the way he has systematically downgraded his entire fucking personality in one fell swoop -- _here take my company, here take my suit, here take my heart it's battery powered and fully functional most of the time_ \-- will convince her he isn't worth it.

 

_You're trying to kill yourself._

Understatement, Tony doesn't say.

 

Pepper loves Tony, and according to some, this makes her a Good Citizen. Jim says she's a saint because no one loves Tony Stark --

 _You do,_ she says. Jim pointedly does not look at Pepper for a good week. Because being Tony's friend is one thing.

Loving him like family, like kin and flesh and blood -- 

nobody fucking _asked_ him to do it, and Tony was the one who said it first, right after the accident, after Howard and Maria were gone and Obie said he'd handle things -- Tony looked at Jim and said _I fucking love you_ , and that was it. 

You don't come back from that.

 

Tony looks at Pepper and says he loves her. 

Pepper tells Tony -- 

 

Pepper tells him.

 

 _Let me cook for you,_ he says, kissing her shoulder. Pepper laughs and laughs for the longest time.

Because Tony Stark was in a cave and made something out of nothing to keep his heart pumping, but he couldn't fry an egg to save his own skin. 

 

 _Never make me CEO again,_ she says, setting the pancakes on the table.

_Promise._


End file.
